At age 19 I stood on my knees praying to the Lord. “God, whatever you have to do to bring me back to you, do it.” That prayer would forever change my life! My addiction to the selling and abusing of marijuana had extended far beyond recreational drug use and was now leading to guns and robbery.
My life was put in jeopardy when a local drug gang had for the second time robbed me. This time I was determined to retaliate. With a loaded gun and anger in my heart, I searched through a suspected neighborhood ready to make someone pay for the pain I was feeling.
But the pain I was feeling was far beyond being robbed. The pain I was feeling was from being lost. Dealing with yet another move from one basement apartment to the next left me with embarrassment for both myself and my mother who was struggling to keep us afloat. Dealing with the recent relapse of my father’s drug addiction and watching him lose his career and wife and step-children brought out deep-rooted resentment towards my father. I was now facing my own addiction, my addiction to the selling and using of drugs.
I couldn’t stop, even when it meant street wars. I stood with a loaded gun in my hand as someone very close to me reminded me of one option I would have after I retaliate: to run! Run because local street dealers would soon find out it was me who shot my rival. Run because sooner or later my mother would find out. Trapped within the thought of what could happen to my mother if the rival drug dealers found out it was me, and the thought of having to run from the law the rest of my life and how that would affect my opportunities in the future left me with one prayer: “God, bring me back to you.”
Join me as I minister to those struggling to find identity, whether some may find their identity in money, drugs, sex, or prestige; we all will never know who we were created to be until we come to know our Creator and Savior Jesus Christ.